Dark Shadows Movie Review

Many year ago there was a television soap opera called Dark Shadows, that ran from 1966 to 1971. While originally not intending to have supernatural elements in it, the show eventually featured ghosts, vampires, werewolves, witches, zombies, time travel, and parallel universes. Directors Tim Burton and Quentin Tarantino have publicly stated they were fans of the TV show. Johnny Depp was obsessed with the show as a child and wanted to be the prominent vampire character, Barnabas Collins. Well, if Tim Burton and Johnny Depp liked Dark Shadows so much, a movie (2012) was inevitable.

In 1772, Barnabas (Johnny Depp) has the world at his feet until he makes the grave mistake of breaking the heart of Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green). A witch in every sense of the word, Angelique dooms him to a fate worse than death: turning him into a vampire and burying him alive. Two centuries later, Barnabas is inadvertently freed from his tomb and emerges into the very changed world of 1972. He returns to Collinwood Manor to find that his once-grand estate has fallen into ruin. The Dysfunctional remnants of the Collins family have fared little better, each harboring their own dark secrets; the inhabitants include Elizabeth Collins (Michelle Pfeiffer) who runs the family fortune, her teenage daughter Carolyn (Chloe Grace Mortez), Elizabeth's useless brother Roger (Jonny Lee Miller), Roger's Disturbed son David (Gully McGrath), and a live-in psychiatrist named Dr. Julia Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter). Even after centuries have passed, Angelique shows up to wreak havoc on the Collins family and tear them apart.

I think Tim Burton films are fun and I love watching Johnny Depp perform. The director and actor duo tend to produce movies that are fun to watch, even if a little strange. Dark Shadows was chockful of Tim Burton's signature Gothic style; weird angles, vividly contrasting colors, elaborate sets and costumes, a variety of wacky characters, and often dark humor. If you're a fan of Tim Burton, you will not be disappointed by the rich and strange visuals Burton is known for.

Since the role of Barnabas Collins was a childhood dream of Depp's you can rest assured that his performance is pitch perfect and intense. You'd think that with the dark and often strange roles Depp portrays, he would have been a vampire at least once before, but this is a first for him. Barnabas is a 18th-century  Englishman who has awakened in the 1970's; he treats people with elaborate courtesy. Depp's performance is haughty and mannered, as it probably should be for the character. But on the other hand, so is the performance of every other actor. This creates a sort of strange style in the movie's overall presentation that seems to teeter between satire and being snooty to the audience. That may have been intentional to captivate the  melodramatic quality of the original TV show, but it felt a bit weird to me.

A problem with trying to capture all the fun stuff from the TV show in a movie is that the movie seemed rushed. The back story in the introduction, while very well done, probably could have been a movie all by itself. The Dark Shadows movie had a huge cast and never seemed to give enough screen time to any of the characters other than Barnabas and Angelique. So when some of the Collin's family secrets come into play, it seem to be an all too convenient plot device rather than a logical twist in character development. I don't even know why Barnabas's love interest developed; the two characters have maybe two short scenes together.

Dark Shadows was really fun. It was highly stylized in a classic Tim Burton fashion and we had a great performance from Johnny Depp. While the story started out promising, it seemed rushed and didn't seem to know where it was going most of the time. The humor mostly centered around Barnabas's reaction to 1970's pop culture, which is usually good for a few laughs. It averages out to be a fun movie, but not necessarily a good one. If you're a fan of Tim Burton or Johnny Depp, Dark Shadows is worth owning. But even if you're not a fan, I still recommend renting it at least because it's so fun.

Is there a TV show you'd love to see made into a movie? I think a Gilligan's Island movie might be cool, or possibly Blake's 7. Comment below and tell me what you think!

One for the Money Movie Review

I've worked at a couple of public libraries over the years. When shelving fiction books I would frequently come across Janet Evanovich books. Evanovich has written a series of crime comedies starring her character Stephanie Plum; there are currently nineteen books in the series. Just recently a movie was made based on the first book. The trailer for One for the Money (2012) looked decent, so I gave it a try.

After losing her job, Jersey girl Stephanie Plum (Katherine Heigl) is broke. Needing a job she is told that her cousin, a bail bondsman, needs someone to help out in the office. But the only open jobs he has are skip tracers. She learns that Joe Morelli (Jason O'Mara), a guy she knew intimately years ago, is one of the "skips." She eventually finds him but wasn't really prepared so he gets away. Another bounty hunter, Ranger (Daniel Sunjata) takes Stephanie under his wing to show her the ropes. Eventually she finds Morelli again, but he claims he is innocent of the crime he's accused of and he is trying to prove his innocence. Stephanie thinks he's telling the truth so she stakes out the person who can help him. The two try to find someone who can prove Morelli's innocence but the problem is that people are attacked or killed shortly after Stephanie speaks with them. Something bigger than a missed court date is going on, and Stephanie is determined to find out what that bigger something is, and to find out if Morelli is as trustworthy as he claims to be.

I've never read a Janet Evanovich book, so I can't really say how the movie compares to its source material. I can say the movie is full of quirky, silly characters with New Joisey vibes. While they are quirky and silly, they aren't very deep or all that interesting. Stephanie's plight is easy to relate to; becoming desperate enough for money as to pick up any odd job that comes around and appeasing a family full of wacky characters is something many of us do anyway. I got the feeling that many of the characters in One for the Money were making movie cameos that  would delight only fans of the books.

Most of the dialogue was amusing, but only earned some laughs now and then. It's as if the movie was trying to set itself up for some funny situational humor but only managed to achieve humor through some of the dialogue. It resulted in a comedy that wasn't all that funny. There are plenty of antics that revolve around Morelli who is a possibly corrupt and murderous cop, and his still-enamored and inexperienced pursuer. This seems like an interesting twist on the traditional cat-and-mouse games that a lot of crime movies have.

One for the Money seemed more like a really long episode of a TV show rather than a major motion picture. The acting was sub-par and even awkward at times. Katherine Heigl is pretty and all, but her delivery was lackluster. The script seemed to be rigid and by-the-book; it was predictable for the most part and had the same scenes that nearly every crime movie has. The action is sparse; we have a car explosion and a few gun shots. This studio probably could have saved some money by making this a TV release movie without changing a thing.

My biggest complaint about this particular crime movie is that we're not given enough hints to figure out whodunit. It's a crime/mystery story and when we find out who the culprit is, it pretty much comes out of the blue. The story isn't all that deep or hard to follow, but a good story should make you understand how the crime could only have occurred the way that it did. We're given a lot of red herrings, but the one that actually develops into something is unforeseen and illogical. I don't think the gumshoe aspect was supposed to be the driving point of the movie necessarily, but the comedy wasn't all that successful either.

One for the Money wasn't a very good movie. It was amusing enough to avoid actually being called "bad." The acting was forced and awkward, the script was mildly charming, the low production value caused the overall quality to suffer, and the story was contrived. If you don't see One for the Money you won't be missing anything of value. I caught it on NetFlix Instant Play and because of that it might be worth catching if your queue has been depleted of other good movies. Apparently Evanovich was thrilled with the movie, but I really don't foresee the other novels in the series being made into films. The books may still be worth a shot; don't judge a book by it's movie.

What's your favorite crime movie? Were you able to solve the case along with the investigator? comment below and tell me about it!

Red Riding Hood Movie Review

I have praised the recent dark fairy tale movies that have come about recently, Snow White and the Huntsman and Jack the Giant Slayer were both creative and decent movies. The first of these dark fairy tale movies to hit theaters was Red Riding Hood (2011), so in the interest of seeing the movie that started the trend, I finally got around to watching it. Big mistake.

Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) is a beautiful young woman torn between two men. She is in love with a brooding outsider, Peter (Shiloh Fernandez), but her parents have arranged for her to marry the wealthy Henry (Max Irons). Unwilling to lose each other, Valerie and Peter are planning to run away together when they learn that Valerie's older sister has been killed by the werewolf that prowls the dark forest surrounding their village. For years people have maintained an uneasy truce with the beast, offering the creature a monthly animal sacrifice. But under the blood red moon, the wolf has upped the stakes by taking a human life. Hungry for revenge, the people call on famed werewolf hunter, Father Solomon (Gary Oldman), to help them kill the wolf. But Solomon's arrival brings unintended consequences as he warns that the wolf, who takes human form by day, could be any one of them. As the death toll rises with each moon, Valerie begins to suspect that the werewolf could be someone she loves. But as panic grips the village, Valerie discovers she has a unique connection to the beast -- one that inevitably draws them together, making her both suspect and bait.

So I didn't realize it at first, but Red Riding Hood was directed by Catherine Hardwicke, who had directed Twilight three years prior. I'm not entirely sure Hardwicke realized she was directing a different movie; both movies feature supernatural killers, a love triangle between unbelievably simple and shallow characters, long moments where the plot seems to go out for doughnuts while the movie keeps going, and a very likely abusive relationship framed as if it were romantic. To its credit, Red Riding Hood was better than Twilight, but not by much.

Amanda Seyfried is a pretty talented actress. She was great in In Time, she was a lovable spunky young lady in Mama Mia!, and she was an excellent Cosette in Les Misérables. Gary Oldman is a stellar actor who is often the best part of most movies he's in. To be honest, they were both very good in Red Riding Hood, it's just that the script they had to work with was as insipid as it was dull. I can't imagine what drove each of them to be in this movie, I'm hoping they somehow didn't get to see a script before accepting the role or something. And get this; Billy Burke, who played Valerie's father, also plays Bella Swan's father in Twilight. He's not much better in Red Riding Hood.

The script was pretty awful. Valerie spent a lot of time fretting over what to do about the two men who want to have her in their lives. Peter and Henry have to act manly, virile, and try win Valerie's attention in each scene. Even the dialogue was awful; they actually talk about having crushes on other characters. They actually use the word "crush." This is the dark ages, not a modern middle school! This is what makes up a bulk of the script. Fortunately it's interrupted on occasion to remind us there is a werewolf in the movie; I think we actually get to see it two times. I liked the McCarthy-Era type paranoia they tried to incorporate as the villagers grow more distrusting of one another during the werewolf hunt. Uninteresting love triangles have become a trite cliché in movies recently. Red Riding Hood is not bad in scenes where the love triangle isn't the main focus, but unfortunately it is the main focus for a lot of the movie.

They did work in the classic elements of the original Little Red Riding Hood story in creative ways; the "what big teeth you have, Grandma" line, the red hooded cloak, don't talk to strangers in the woods, etc. You expect to see them in the movie, but when they do appear, they don't show up in a way you'd expect. It also made some allusions to other fairy tales that feature a "big bad wolf," which was neat. It's really about the only thing to get excited over.

Red Riding Hood was a disappointment. It could have been a good werewolf movie with a strong female protagonist, some great werewolf fight scenes, and a new twist on the classic fairy tale that so many enjoy. But no, this is basically just Twilight set during the dark ages. The special effects were lackluster at best. The werewolf was little more than a large CGI black wolf; no half-man-half-wolf thing going on at all. The whole village may as well have been middle school students by the way they talked. You may like Red Riding Hood if you're a fan of Twilight, but otherwise don't bother with this movie; it's just awful. It's not even worth borrowing from a friend.

Are there GOOD movies with a love triangle in it? I'm getting pretty fed up with them. I'd love to see one that was actually good, not overwrought and weepy. Can you think of one? Comment below and let me know!

The Adventures of Food Boy Movie Review

One of the neat things about NetFlix is, that it gives some obscure independent films a chance to be seen by more people. Most Independent films may have a limited release or were released directly to video, but the Instant Play feature on NetFlix gives these movies a greater chance to be seen. On the other hand, there are a good many independent films that are probably better off being left to obscurity, such as The Adventures of Food Boy (2008)

Ezra (Lucas Grabeel) is a high school junior trying to make a name for himself. In an effort to pad his resume for college, Ezra decides to run for class president. Some kids think he's crazy going up against Garrett (Noah Bastian), a popular jock bully who has been president every year, but Ezra believes he can win. Just as the competition is getting intense, something strange begins to happen to Ezra: he begins to shoot food out of his hands. At first he is reasonably freaked out by this, but his Grandmother (Joyce Cohen) explains that he actually has a gift that has been passed down for generations. Ezra tries to use his new ability to impress his friends, especially Shelby (Brittany Curran), who has a crush on him. But in spite of his best efforts, his social life begins spiraling out of control. In desperation, Ezra learns he has a chance to give up the gift. Will he take the chance, or embrace his gift and become "Food Boy?"

Ugh. It was painful to write that. I really was hoping for the sort of stupid movie that is so ridiculous that it ends up being fun to watch. But Food Boy was every bit as stupid as it sounds. The title itself makes you think it's going to have some sort of superhero quality to it, but it doesn't. Grandma tells Ezra that "Not all superheroes fight crime." While that's a good message, I can't imagine anyone taking a superhero that exudes peanut butter very seriously. I cannot imagine any high schooler becoming popular and accepted by his peers by dressing up in a ludicrous cheap wizard costume and performing magic tricks for the student body by pulling cookies out from under a cloth. Even within its world setting, it's hard to take seriously.

Some may recognize Lucas Grabeel from High School Musical. Indeed, several actors in Food Boy seem to be taken from Disney Channel Original Movies. I can't really say anyone's acting talents have improved since those obscure Disney atrocities. Garrett was clearly not a teenager. Most high school kids don't have such prominent bags under their eyes or crow's-feet. Sadly some of the kid actors were better than the adults!

The budget was hilariously low. While Grandma explains to Ezra the history of the "Food Gift," it cuts away to a school stage with cardboard painted props and actors portraying key events while dressed up in Halloween costumes as Grandma narrates. With a story about a kid who can conjure food, there's obviously going to be a lot of food props used, but even the food was clearly the cheapest stuff possible. We primarily see Ezra produce peanut butter, white bread, dry beans, uncooked rice, mustard, apples, and on one rare occasion, cold cuts. It's pretty obvious that the food is being blown through a small tube in Grabeel's shirt to "create" the food. Yes, it's an independent film, but it really draws attention to its embarrassingly low budget.

I have to admit, Food Boy handles some kid-specific issues in an acceptable way. It tackles topics like rivalry against the school bully in a peaceable manner, even though it does involve a large food fight. It also tackles budding boy-girl relationships, developing talents and using them wisely, and treating others with kindness and respect. It doesn't always implement these themes exceptionally well, but I think it does a respectable job, given the overall quality of the film.

For a family comedy that is also an obscure family film, The Adventures of Food Boy isn't terrible. The plot is simple with characters and situations that kids can relate to; it's clean, and very innocent. It's cute, but pretty forgettable. I think it would be pretty hard for anyone over the age of 10 to take very seriously; I didn't care for it. It's not worth owning, but it might make a fun NetFlix Instant Play family movie night if you have young kids. It has plenty of potential to act as a springboard for some discussion afterwards; college application, boy-girl relationships, developing talents, confronting bullies, and others topics could be included in such a discussion.

What's the worst Disney Channel Original Movie you've seen? Comment below and tell me about it.